


dark memory

by Sorunort



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Enemies to Friends, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Recovery, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and maybe to lovers Who knows, i have no idea how to write ventus bear with me, this isnt proofed We die like men, vanitas isnt ok but ventus ALSO isnt ok, will probably update tags as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24923860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorunort/pseuds/Sorunort
Summary: “I want to take you home, Vanitas. You don’t belong here.” Biting his lip into a thin line Ventus added softly, “You never did.”***in their search for sora, ventus discovers vanitas in the realm of darkness. only problem is he doesn't remember anything. but maybe thats the solution, as ven is determined not to fail in bringing his other half home this time. and so begins a journey into unraveling just who vanitas is and working through the scars he left upon the wayfinders.
Relationships: Aqua & Terra & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 140





	1. second chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [does a sick kickflip in] SUP NERDS i love vanitas with my heart and soul and i am determined to give him a better ending than what he got in canon. this takes place during limitcut and otherwise follows canon + plays heavily off the bbs novel in regards to vanitas backstory. cause the games sure refused to tell us anything about him but thats a rant for another day. enjoy my self indulgent ramblings, like comment and subscribe [does a sick 360 out]

Everyone had their own approach in searching for Sora. Roxas and Xion thought there might be a clue in their memories. Kairi decided to sleep so everyone at Radiant Garden could search her heart. Terra, Aqua, and Ventus agreed to explore the Realm of Darkness for any trace of the boy. Both Terra and Ventus incessantly pestered Aqua over the decision to make sure it was _really okay_ with her. Sure the three of them had been displaced in time the last decade, but arguably two of them weren’t one hundred percent conscious during it. Aqua walked those dark roads alone fighting for her life every day. She reassured her friends each time that so long as she wasn’t alone she could face the darkness again. So they bid Riku goodbye, donned their armor, and ventured forth.

None of them knew how many trips they had taken in and out of the realm. Keeping track only weighed them down as the number grew higher with little to show for it. But with each day they covered more ground in hopes that _maybe_ the next area will have that coveted clue. 

What- or rather who they found- wasn’t quite their coveted clue.

Being pure light in the Realm of Darkness meant Heartless were often drawn to their little group-- more so than the fact that three fresh hearts were parading around and it drove the monsters crazy, seeking to devour them. With each trip Ventus had gotten more and more used to the feeling of being surrounded by complete darkness. An odd weight on his chest like it was hard to breathe paired with an ill sensation bounced between his stomach and throat. 

_This_ , though? This was different. Like a magnetic pull. Not _too_ strong to draw him away from the safety of his friends, but annoying enough to constantly worry about no matter _how hard_ he tried to ignore it. And he almost did.

Up until a little blue monster scurried past his feet and Ventus stopped dead in his tracks.

_No. There’s no way._

“Did you guys see that?” Ventus said, ignoring the magnet urging him to follow the probably- _hopefully_ -not-a-Flood.

Aqua was the first to respond, turning around from her position at the front of their little marching order. He couldn’t see under her helmet but Ventus could only imagine the concern and alarm on her face. “What is it, Ven?”

Terra chimed in, “Did you find something?”

Ventus shook his head. “No, no, but there was…” He pointed in the direction the blue creature ran. To the left and off the trail they were headed on, surrounded by a bunch of rocks that may or may not be Heartless in disguise. “--It just ran by, I swear!”

Aqua surveyed the rocky path then focused back on Ventus. “What ran by?”

Just as she spoke the blue creature's head popped up behind the nearest rock. Startled, Ventus gasped and instinctively stepped back. The creature hissed and arched it back in retaliation. Aqua visibly tensed up and got into her stance, keyblade at the ready should it decide to attack.

Terra was the one to say what they were all thinking, drawing his keyblade and getting in front of Ventus, much to his chagrin. “Unversed!”

The Flood hissed again, it’s eyes darted between the two keyblades, then dove into the ground and skittered away. Pushing Terra out of the way Ventus broke into a run after it. “No, wait!” He called, as if it could possibly understand.

Behind him Terra and Aqua yelled to come back before running too. Ventus didn’t know why he was so persistent on chasing the Unversed. But it was like an undeniable part of him needed to see where the Flood was going. The magnetic pull beckoning him closer to confirm his worries with his own eyes. His heartbeat grew louder and matched in time with his foot steps until he skidded to a stop.

The rocky path splintered off into a clearing covered in grey sand encompassed by black walls with sickly glowing cracks beaten in. As if someone got angry and started whaling on the foundation. A dead end to some but for Ventus it was a whole new opportunity. Another chance to make right what he failed to do in the final battle.

In the middle of the clearing was none other than his other half, Vanitas. His back to Ventus, knees drawn, aimlessly throwing small rocks at three other Floods who dodged and chittered mockingly back at him.

Ventus was so sure if he even _breathed_ loud enough Vanitas would hear and lash out before he could get a word in. He didn’t have a plan, definitely didn’t during the final battle, but maybe if he took three seconds to think on it he could-

“Ven!” 

Oh, _heck._

Whirling around Ventus ran to meet them halfway, holding his hand up to his mouth (which looked a little funny since it was blocked by his helmet) and began shushing them aggressively. “ _Guys, keep it down!_ ”

Slowing her pace to a light jog as she caught up Aqua quirked her head. “Whats going on?”

Terra, much less graceful, stopped short as soon as he reached them. “Where’s the Unversed?”

Ventus gestured to keep quiet then jerked his head to the clearing a few yards away. “It’s back there. But I need you guys to _promise me_ you won’t freak out.”

The two of them exchanged a look that Ventus knew could only be confusion under their visors. “Sure, what is it?” Terra said.

He reached up to scratch his cheek out of habit but having been blocked by the armor he tried to rub his neck instead. “Okay…” How to put this? Did he break it to them nice and slow or rip the whole band aid off at once? “...Vanitas is back there and I need to take him back with us,” Ventus blurted.

Ripping the band aid off it is.

Surely there were a million better ways to say that, especially to the two people most harmed by Vanitas’s actions, but it was the best Ventus could come up with. … Actually, no, he really didn’t think that was the best.

It certainly showed. Aqua, having been there when he tried the first time, gave a little defeated sigh and held a hand to her chest, gaze drifting to the ground, “Ven…”

Terra, on the other hand, wasn’t entirely present for that whole exchange so this was definitely news to him. “Take him _back_ with us?” He repeated, glancing between Ventus and Aqua like he was missing something (and he kind of was). “Why, Ven?” He didn’t sound angry about it, fortunately, just … _very_ puzzled, which Ventus expected.

Ventus sighed and his shoulders sagged. “During the final battle, I asked him-- err, told him he was coming home too. I told him we should be free to choose who we are. But in the end… he just said he was darkness and faded away.” Ventus stared at his hands then curled them into tight fists. “It felt like I failed him. I don’t wanna make that same mistake again.”

She was still quiet but Aqua’s fist trembled at her side like she wanted to object. Ventus couldn’t blame her. Vanitas helped ruin all of their lives. Why should he get a second chance?

Terra had the same thing on his mind. He exhaled softly then put a hand on Ventus’s shoulder. “Why do you want him to come home in the first place?”

Beneath the helmet Ventus bit his lip then glanced behind his shoulder to the clearing. The pull continued to urge him _further, just a few more steps and he would be with his other half again._ “...He’s alone,” He said, voice low. “He’s always been alone. … When I was sleeping and my heart joined with Sora’s, I think Vanitas’s heart must’ve connected with Sora too,” Ven explained and held a hand over his chest. “For the first time I could feel what he felt. And I think …” The hand over his chest tightened into a fist. “I think he’s been hurting this _whole_ time. There was _so much_ negativity.” Ventus shook his head, his voice steadily rose with determination. “I can’t just leave him like this! I have to do _something!_ Vanitas is _still_ my other half!”

He took a minute to mull over Ventus’s plea, and Ventus could just picture the gears turning in his head. How hard would it be for his friends? To try and help someone like Vanitas? Finally Terra let out a low hum and nodded slowly. “...I get it. You want to set things right between you two.” He looked from Ventus to Aqua then ahead to the clearing. “I’m not sure how I feel inviting him into our home, but I believe in _you_ , Ven. If anyone can change his heart it’s you.”

Out of sheer relief Ventus sighed and smiled up at Terra, only to remember he wouldn’t be able to see that, so he just nodded gratefully. Then he turned to Aqua, who remained silent up until now. “...Aqua?”

She sighed again, however much shorter and agitated. The fist clenched at her side relaxed. “I don’t know, Ven,” she said, not even trying to hide the bitterness in her voice. “He’s hurt us and all the worlds too. I can’t forgive him. I don’t think I ever will.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Ven cut in, taking a step toward her. “I’m asking you to trust me, as your friend.” 

Hesitating a moment longer Aqua finally gave in and nodded. “Okay, Ven. I trust you.” She was quick to add, “But if he slips up or gives me _any_ reason to think he’s going to hurt you-”

“-Let’s just,” Terra interrupted, not wanting to dash Ventus’s hopes immediately. “Talk to him. He might not wanna join us.”

Even though they couldn’t see Ventus had the most grateful smile on his face. Even going as far as to trap the two of them in a hug. “Thank you both,” he whispered.

Maybe just maybe he could make a difference this time. Terra and Aqua’s belief reignited his drive to help Vanitas. All he had to do was convince Vanitas to stop fighting long enough to come home with them.

...Easier said than done.

But with his new determination Ventus, Terra, and Aqua, approached the clearing once more. Quieter, as to not immediately alert Vanitas or put him on edge. Luckily he hadn’t noticed any of them, giving Ventus an extra minute to figure out his course of action. Although much like before Ventus didn’t think too hard on it. He gestured for Terra and Aqua to stay behind then walked into the clearing, announcing his presence with a simple, “Vanitas.”

Despite wanting to avoid startling him, he inadvertently did just that. Vanitas jolted upright, looked around, then jumped to his feet and got in a defensive stance. Now that he didn’t have his back to Ventus anymore he noted the sorry state of the mask- half broken and shattered pieces all around, just like he last saw it. Honestly Ventus wasn’t sure which he preferred. Finally seeing his face or not being able to see his angry or smug expressions.

Either way, he had a hostile Vanitas on his hands, which he raised up to show he wasn’t interested in a brawl. “Hey, hey! I’m not here to fight!”

“Yeah, _right_ ,” Vanitas spat with such vitriol Ventus instantly had second thoughts about his whole plan. “Everything tries to kill you around here. Why would you be any different?” As if agreeing with him the Floods he was carelessly throwing rocks at formed a protective huddle around his feet. Vanitas scrunched his face in disgust and kicked one away, only for it to scuttle back in place.

Everything would always be a fight with Vanitas, even convincing him he _wasn’t_ here to trade blows. Ventus decided to remove his helmet, hoping it might help his point by making himself more vulnerable. … Not that his helmet ever protected him. Certainly didn’t stand a chance against Master Xehanort’s bare hands or Blizzard. 

“I’m serious, Vanitas,” He said, dropping his helmet down at his feet. “I meant what I said back then and I mean it now. I’m going to take you home.”

Perhaps Ventus preferred seeing Vanitas’s face. Otherwise he’d have no idea about Vanitas knitting his eyebrows together and squinting at Ven like he had three heads. “What are you _talking_ about? I’m not going anywhere with you.” Vanitas looked past Ventus and huffed. “Your _friends_ don’t seem very happy about that idea.”

Withholding a groan Ventus didn’t bother turning around. He had a feeling Terra and Aqua standing there with their keyblades drawn were sending the wrong message. Still, he persevered. He knew this wouldn’t be easy, and he had to be doing something right if they were still talking. “I _know_ I said we should be free to choose. But you don’t have to be _just_ _darkness_.”

Now the squinting vanished, and Vanitas just stared blankly. His stance grew lax and the Floods shifted in confusion. “...I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Much like the Floods before him, Ventus shifted his weight on his feet and tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“What do _you_ mean?” Vanitas fired right back.

There came a hand on his shoulder. “Ven--” Aqua said, urging him to take a step back. “Somethings not right.”

“Aqua’s right,” Terra added, joining Ventus on his other side. “He’s not acting like himself.”

“Oh, he’s definitely acting like himself,” Aqua grumbled, casting a sidelong glance to the boy just standing there with his arms crossed while the Unversed started to disperse.

Ventus swallowed uncomfortably. Sure, his personality was as terrible as ever but wouldn’t he have said something more like _‘And I told you, what I am is darkness, so buzz off!’_? Playing it off like he didn’t know wasn’t in line with what Ventus knew about him. It’s not like he just forgot everything. ... Right?

Repressing the illness settling in his throat, Ventus posed the question he was afraid of answering. “Do you… know who I am?”

Vanitas pursed his lips into a thin line and tilted his head. “Not a clue.”

_Oh._

It felt like his feet were leaving the ground and all the air in his lungs with them. Ventus knew the odds of getting amnesia over a heart related incident well enough but to see it happen with his other half? Someone so _infuriatingly_ untouchable. You could beat Vanitas into the ground and he would get back up again without a scratch. He acted like he knew everything and if he didn’t you wouldn’t know it. That very same jerk was now in the same place Ventus had been years ago. Not a single memory to live by. The only difference being Ventus found support with Terra and Aqua. Vanitas had nobody save for a few Floods crawling around.

Finally Terra tapped his shoulder to bring him back to reality. “Hey, Ven, stay with us.” Shaking his head, Ventus swallowed hard but nodded slowly. “It’s your call. What do you wanna do now?”

Inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth Ventus knew what he had to do. He couldn’t stop just because of some missing memories. If anything that was all the more reason. Who would he be if he abandoned his other half to wallow without answers?

Of course, providing those answers meant running the risk of ruining their relationship before it had a chance to heal. Ventus considered that point but he decided to take that risk.

He took another step toward Vanitas, who took an apprehensive step back. “You don’t remember any of us, do you?” Vanitas scowled and shook his head. Ventus continued, gesturing to himself then his friends respectively. “My name’s Ventus. This is Terra and Aqua. The three of us…” _fought you several times? Tried to do you in?_ “...have history together.” _Yeah, that works._

Perhaps it didn’t. Vanitas looked as skeptical as ever. Ventus couldn’t blame him. It seemed as though Vanitas fared a lot better than Ventus did after losing his memories. He could barely hold a conversation and here was Vanitas mouthing off as usual. However there was a brief change in his expression. His eyebrows raised when Ventus introduced himself and didn’t acknowledge Terra or Aqua. “...Uh huh. How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

Ventus shrugged. “You don’t. But you’re going to have to trust me.” And in a bold move of potentially embarrassing himself should this not work, Ventus extended his hand for Vanitas. “I want to take you home, Vanitas. You don’t belong here.” Biting his lip into a thin line Ventus added softly, “You never did.”

It stung when Vanitas leaned away from the gesture but it was better than slapping him away. In fact he appeared to be mentally debating what to do, given how his line of sight was going everywhere. His hand, the ground, the Floods, the cracked walls, then back to his hand. Finally he groaned and rolled his eyes. “You’re asking me to follow a buncha strangers on the off chance you can tell me something about myself or what these-” Vanitas kicked sand at the Floods who expertly dodged the attack. “- _stupid_ things are?”

“Yeah,” Ventus nodded. “That’s the gist of it.”

Vanitas didn’t look convinced.

“If you don’t like it you can come back here anytime. … I won’t chase you down or force you to stay.”

That seemed to do it. Vanitas shrugged a shoulder and mulled it over til he sighed dramatically. “Fine,” he agreed and grabbed Ventus’s hand. “I’ll come with you.”

His heart swelled in victory and that magnetic pull disappeared now that it led Ventus back to his heart. However the moment crumbled not a second later. Vanitas squeezed his hand tight enough to make the armor groan unpleasantly- _never forget the sound of his helmet cracking in his ears as Master Xehanort crushed it with so little effort as he dangled helplessly_ \- and yanked Ventus in to whisper. “Don’t think this means I trust you,” He hissed. “All I want are answers.”

With that Vanitas shoved Ventus away. He stumbled, kicking up sand, but Aqua caught him and cast a long look at Vanitas, her hands gripping Ventus’s armor tightly. Ventus was certain she was glaring with such daggers that for a minute he wondered if this was really the right thing if it reopened old wounds. 

Fortunately Terra stepped between them, with less hostility than Aqua but the animosity was still present in his voice. “We should head back for today,” he said, mostly to his friends. “We should tell Riku and everyone else what happened.”

Aqua nodded stiffly. “You’re right. … Come on, Ven.” She stared at Vanitas a minute longer then took up her position as head of the marching order once more. Not without glancing back at Vanitas every few minutes.

Vanitas grinned, still a sight that annoyed him to no end, and started walking after them. “Your friends sure seem happy to have me around, Venty.”

Ventus scowled and picked his helmet back up, shaking any leftover sand off. “That's _Ventus_.” 

Helmet back on and Vanitas in their party the four of them made their way out of the clearing and off the rocky path. No matter how many times he blinked thinking he might wake up from an odd dream Vanitas would still be there, walking a few paces ahead of him. Honestly he was still a little in shock knowing that he succeeded in his efforts to help Vanitas. _For now_. Vanitas had to make everything a fight, memories or no memories.

Speaking of the obvious elephant in the room, what was he going to do if Vanitas did regain his memories? If Ventus didn’t succeed in changing his heart would all of this be for nothing? The thought made his stomach turn and he tried to ignore it but it kept nagging away at his mind. It would arguably be easier to help him without their past getting in the way. But he couldn’t help but feel that the moment Vanitas remembered everything he would walk right back out of his life.

The two Floods skittered around Ventus’s feet, as if sensing his unease, and chittered in their weird unnatural way. Maybe they were reassuring him?

Ventus looked back up at Vanitas. His other half peered over his shoulder with an unreadable expression. Gold eyes burned into Ventus with an unknown intensity that only solidified Ventus’s resolve.

_I will help you, Vanitas. I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream beetlejuice the musical on spotify


	2. sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What aren’t you guys telling me?” His teeth grit and his fists trembled with a rage struggling to break free. If he kept this up, Unversed were sure to start spawning. “Who am I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit round two!!!!!!! cant believe i actually did more than one! hope i dont jinx myself!  
> big thanks to katt for proofing this Now my tag 'this isnt proofed we die like men' is inaccurate but im not gonna change it

In all honesty, Ventus never imagined he’d be sharing his room with Vanitas. 

There was a feeling of surrealism seeing Vanitas standing around the middle of the main chamber. The boy gazed at everything he could lay his eyes on; from the white walls to the green and gold marble pillars, and up to the windowed arches. Ventus half hoped it would trigger his memory- even if that memory happened to be fighting against Ventus as soon as he woke up- but Vanitas didn’t say a word.

There was some _minor_ fuss about what to do with him from there. Night had already fallen and the three of them were exhausted from the day’s venture into the dark realm. Sure they all had their own rooms, but what of Vanitas? Ventus wasn’t about to let him sleep outside (although Aqua might’ve been in favor of the idea). Of course there were multiple rooms within the castle, but none were prepared. 

Eventually Ventus just decided to bite the bullet and have Vanitas stay in his room. Immediately the choice was met with resistance. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ven.”

Vanitas crossed his arms and shifted his weight. “What? I’ll just sleep on the floor.”

He knew exactly why Aqua wasn’t fond of the idea. _Nobody_ would be comfortable letting their enemy room with their best friend, not if they could help it. But how could Aqua explain that when doing so would ruin Ventus’s chances of helping him before he’d even begun?

She knew this just as well as he did. Aqua bit back a retort, likely along the lines of, _‘I don’t trust you, that’s what.’_ But she relented. “Fine. If you need anything, Ven-”

“I’ll be okay,” Ventus reassured her. “We’re just going to sleep is all.”

Terra added, “We’ll head to Master Yen Sid’s Tower first thing tomorrow. Maybe the rest of the Guardians will have some ideas on how to help Vanitas.”

“Guardians?” Vanitas repeated, his eyes flickering between Terra and Aqua, mildly suspicious. “And who’s this ... Yen-person?”

Terra opened his mouth to respond but decided against it, deeming it too long of an explanation for this time of night. “We’ll explain everything in the morning.”

Vanitas heaved a deep sigh, “Whatever. Show me to my room, Venty.”

“That’s _Ventus_ \- ugh.” That nickname was going to stick whether he liked it or not. 

Bidding Terra and Aqua good night, Ventus went up the long staircase to the dormitories with Vanitas trailing behind. Aqua stared after them until they were out of sight. There was a brief silence between them until Terra said, albeit a little awkwardly, “So...Vanitas is living with us now.” He nodded slowly a few times as if the weight of the scenario hadn’t really sunk in. “... _Vanitas_.”

Aqua grumbled, “I don’t trust this. I don’t trust _him_.”

“Me either,” he admitted. “I don’t think Ven does either, but he seemed really serious about this. So I trust him.”

“What if he pulls something overnight?” Aqua pointed out.

“Ven can take care of himself,” Terra countered. “And if he needs help, we’ll be there to back him up. What’s the worst Vanitas can do if he doesn’t remember anything?”

* * *

Vanitas took one look around Ventus’s room and then peeled the first poster he could reach off the wall. “What’s this weird symbol supposed to mean?”

Ventus's heart leapt into his throat and he immediately snatched it out of Vanitas's hands. “Hey, careful with that!” As he smoothed the poster back into place, he neglected to realize Vanitas had found something else to mess with.

A book in his hands, cover pinched between two fingers and suspended in front of his face, Vanitas experimentally tore a page out of it. He then stared at the page, disappointed. “Huh. That was too easy. Whoever made this didn’t make it very well.”

“Would you stop that?!” Ventus snapped, yanking the book and page out of his grip. He hadn’t read the book in years, likely why it was discarded on the floor in a corner, but it still hurt to see one of his belongings so carelessly wrecked. Ventus slid the page back into place, closed the book and left it back where Vanitas found it, then turned to the perpetrator. “Can you just- I don’t know- sit down and stay still? For five minutes?”

Vanitas clicked his tongue. “Okay.” And pivoted around, took two steps, and sat on the edge of the bed. “Great. Now what?”

Holding back a sigh and half-wishing helping Vanitas would be as easy as he imagined it to be, Ventus rubbed his temples. “Now,” he said, barely masking his frustration. “Now we go to sleep. … You’re not sleeping in that, are you?”

“Sleeping in what?”

“Y’know, the…” Ventus gestured around his chin, then pointed at his other half. “The mask and suit.”

Vanitas's expression morphed from the disdain he wore the whole time to muted alarm. His eyebrows raised, eyes widened, and his lips fell into a thin line. He stared at his forearm, then patted down the metal of the mask. “I can take these _off_?”

Admittedly, Ventus wasn’t sure how to respond at first. It wasn’t like he’d ever seen Vanitas in anything else (aside from the Organization coat very briefly). In fact he was fairly certain Vanitas was just born in that suit, though he didn’t remember much of their split. But he assumed the mask _had_ to come off. “Yeah, just- slip it over your head.”

Already he went right back to the disdain and suspicion. “What am I supposed to wear if not this?”

“You can borrow something of mine, we’re probably the same size.” _Being the same person and all_ , only Ventus didn’t say that. Instead he turned to his closet and began shuffling through everything. Soon enough he pulled out a black sleeveless top not unlike his own and an extra pair of gray pants that cut off at the knee. With the change of clothes draped over his arm Ventus turned back to Vanitas to find him maskless, staring at the half cracked glass, face unreadable.

Depositing the clothing beside him Ventus was about to ask if he was okay until he noticed something. There was a thin scar across the left side of his mouth, and a smaller nick under his eye. His eyes trailed down to find another similar to the one on his mouth, but this one stretched down the side of his chin. There were small scars all over his face, almost invisible unless he was searching for them. What happened that he got all those scars?

Vanitas caught him staring and shifted to the side. “What?”

Ventus shook his head. Maybe he could ask if he ever got his memory back. Not that it would get him anywhere, as Vanitas didn’t seem like the type to open up about himself. “Nothing.”

He didn’t buy that, obviously, but he didn’t call him out on it either. There weren’t any mirrors in the Realm of Darkness, so the only time Vanitas would’ve been able to see himself had to be the reflection in his mask just now. “So how am I supposed to get this suit off?”

Ventus blanked. “...I don’t know. Every time I saw you you had it on.”

“So I can’t?” Vanitas scowled.

“I don’t know!” Ventus repeated, the frustration coming back in full swing. “I just assumed you could!”

“For someone who’s supposed to have answers you sure don’t know a lot,” Vanitas said, rolling his eyes.

Were he not trying to help Vanitas, Ventus probably would’ve considered punching him just now. How could he _still_ be so insufferable without his memory? Fists clenched at his sides, Ventus took a deep breath and reminded himself not to get angry. “Just-- close your eyes. Try to concentrate on the suit leaving your hand first, I guess.”

Vanitas stared at him with a look at said _this is stupid_. But given how he had no other options, he sighed and followed suit. His eyes closed and one hand stretched out in front of him, fingers splayed. Nothing happened at first and the silence in the room made it seem longer than it actually was. But then Ventus noticed the black tips of his fingers crawled back. Slowly it rescinded into the red atop his knuckles until his whole hand was free. No dark suit, just normal skin.

Cracking open one eye Vanitas flexed his hand and visibly relaxed to see it had worked. He brought his newly freed hand closer to inspect it then nodded. “Huh. Guess you were good for something after all, Ventus.”

Instinctively Ventus was about to retort back that he got his name wrong, but he stopped and smiled when he realized. “Hey, you got my name right that time!”

Vanitas chewed on his lip and tightened his hand into a fist. “Don’t act so excited about it. Anyway, I think I got the hang of this now.”

“Hey, that’s good!” He said, genuinely pleased with himself for actually providing some assistance in the mountain of a task that was helping Vanitas.

Looking around the room and then back to his hand, Vanitas tapped his foot. “...Aren’t you gonna turn around?”

“Huh?”

“I don’t want you staring at me again.”

Called out. “Oh! _Uh_ , sorry.” And _immediately_ he spun around and walked off to a corner of his room, maybe he could pretend to tidy up his desk or smooth out his poster. Of course he would want some privacy, how silly that he didn’t think of it sooner. Ventus just wanted to bury his face in his hands and release the enormous groan trapped in his soul. He couldn’t do that, so he settled for rearranging whatever he could get his hands on with no rhyme or reason.

“You good over there?”

Startled, Ventus dropped one of his knick knacks. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” he waved Vanitas off then placed the fallen object back on his desk. “Are you done changing?”

“Are you done making a ruckus?”

Taking that as a yes, Ventus turned to see Vanitas in the spare clothes he picked out for him. Although the shirt was just a smidge too short on him and hiked up above his belly button. They looked to be the same size but Ventus only now realized their shoulder frames were off, with Vanitas being wider than he thought. Still, the clothes fit and that was enough for him. Odd as it was to see Vanitas in anything but the mask and suit, it was kind of… _nice?_ In a way it felt like another step in the right direction for him to be able to shed the reminders of who he once was.

Or maybe he was thinking too far into it, especially when Vanitas couldn’t _remember_ who he once was. 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Vanitas said, staring back at Ventus. Not annoyed, just a little puzzled. For good reason too, this was probably the third time Ventus stared at him tonight. 

“Sorry, uh-” Ventus rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, well, there’s no where else for you to sleep, so-”

“I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Ventus frowned. “You sure? That can’t be comfortable.”

He tapped the wood with his heel. “Gotta be a step up from sand and gravel.”

Good point. But Ventus wasn’t about to give in so easily. “At least take a pillow and blanket.” And he went right back to digging through his closet for any spares he could find. There had to be an extra blanket in here _somewhere_.

“It _really_ doesn’t matter,” Vanitas chimed in but it was too late for him. Having retrieved an old blanket and pillow Ventus presented them to the unwilling boy. Vanitas’s eyes flickered between them and Ventus, as if to say ' _Do I have to?'_ But Ventus wasn’t about to take no for an answer, so Vanitas groaned and swiped them up. “I really don’t need these.”

“Take them anyway,” Ventus said, already getting into bed. “ You can have your own bed tomorrow.”

“I don’t need that either,” Vanitas mumbled, pushing the chair at Ventus’s desk aside and throwing his pillow under it. Ventus watched him crawl half under the desk and then draw the blanket over. So much for not needing it, huh?

The both of them settled in and Ventus pulled his blanket up, looking at the starry sky as the day’s events and exhaustion finally caught up to him. Tomorrow they would see the other Guardians, and maybe Master Yen Sid could give them a clue about why Vanitas suddenly returned. Though it was just as likely that he wouldn’t have any idea; nobody could’ve foreseen Vanitas coming back when they were all so busy searching for Sora.

The stars twinkled in and out. 

Maybe Vanitas was the key to finding Sora.

Ventus rolled onto his side, casting one more look at Vanitas’s huddled form half under his desk before closing his eyes. 

“Good night, Vanitas.”

He didn’t reply.

* * *

In the morning Aqua contacted Riku and asked for a lift to the Mysterious Tower. Naturally he was confused by the request, since as far as he knew the three of them were searching the Realm of Darkness for hints as to Sora’s whereabouts. However once Aqua shifted the Gummiphone’s camera over her shoulder, and Riku got a full view of Vanitas pestering Ventus and very obviously _not_ being dead, he said he was on his way.

They could have taken their gliders but Vanitas wouldn’t have had any way to travel with them. In fact Ventus wasn’t sure if Vanitas remembered what a keyblade was or if he knew how to summon his. The gummi ship seemed like the best option until they knew what to do with Vanitas.

The ship docked in the courtyard and while Vanitas was marveling at the bright red spaceship, Terra quietly filled Riku in that the boy lost his memories and they were going to consult Yen Sid about it. However Riku suggested they visit Namine instead, given how memories were her forte, and they could bring the issue to Yen Sid’s attention after.

While they were discussing their plans, the gummi ship lost its appeal and Vanitas turned his attention to the other newcomer. Riku introduced himself, politely but stiffly since, _Wow, he looks_ exactly _like Sora_. But that didn’t deter Vanitas. He crossed his arms, looked Riku up and down, and grinned with a simple, “Hey there.”

That was enough for Riku to usher everyone onto the ship and cease talking to Vanitas for the rest of the ride. Which remained uneventful. Vanitas spent the whole trip staring at all the stars, treasure spheres, asteroids, and passing worlds like a wide-eyed child. His fingers were pressed against the glass, and his head darted around to stare at each new wonder before it flew past him and onto the next. 

Having shared a similar interest in the stars, it made Ventus's heart swell to see his other half so enamored. He knew how it felt to _finally_ see what was really out beyond his bedroom window for the first time. It must be all the more magical for Vanitas, who until yesterday spent an indeterminate amount of time trying to survive the Realm of Darkness. There wasn’t much there beyond Heartless, darkness, and some sand.

Trying to take advantage of this moment, Ventus slid in next to Vanitas and mimicked putting his hands against the glass. “It’s cool, right? All the worlds and constellations.”

Vanitas didn’t spare him a glance, too focused on the asteroids whizzing past them. However he did offer a mystified little whisper, “There’s so much out here…”

Ventus accepted that. Having studied up on astrology, he pointed out the constellations he recognized along the way. Vanitas only acknowledged them with a quiet ‘ _mm’_ and didn’t make for much conversation. But Ventus didn’t mind doing the talking, it seemed like Vanitas was actually listening despite his lackluster responses. Plus he was always happy to talk about something he loved.

Eventually they made it to Destiny Islands, Namine’s current place of residence. According to Riku she moved in with Kairi once everything was finally over. But then Sora disappeared and Kairi went to sleep to try and find him, so Namine tried helping out in her own way. She mostly assisted in searching Roxas and Xion’s memories for any clues on Sora’s whereabouts. Fortunately for them she wasn’t in Twilight Town today, so it saved them an extra trip.

Having seen the gummi ship in the sky, Namine was ready and waiting for them at the play island. Her palms were pressed together in worry, and she wore a look of concern seeing Riku with Terra, Aqua, and Ventus. It was likely she hoped that there was news about Sora, but her expression changed (to shock) once she saw Vanitas. Her palms squeezed together just a little tighter.

Vanitas, on the other hand, immediately squinted at the light and raised his hand to block the sun from his eyes. Then he kicked at the sand littered _everywhere_ and groaned, “Great. Just what I need. _More_ sand.”

“What, you got a grudge against sand?” Ventus teased, playfully butting shoulders and hoping that didn’t cross any unspoken lines.

Luckily for him Vanitas didn’t read into it. Instead he just kicked up a spray of sand at Ventus. “It’s all I slept on, I hate this stuff!”

With newfound amusement, Ventus retatilated. “Oh yeah? Well, now it’s back with a vengeance!”

To his surprise Vanitas rolled with it. Though he supposed he shouldn’t be so surprised, since being competitive fit right in with Vanitas’s personality. He grinned with devilish delight and scooped up a handful of sand. “Not if I can help it!” Then he launched the fine grains right for Ventus’s head. _The fight is on!_

Meanwhile Riku approached Namine with Terra and Aqua beside him. He jerked his head back towards the sand battle unfolding. “Sorry to drop in like this, but, uhh…”

Namine stared as Ventus tried to wrestle his way out of a headlock and Vanitas jammed sand into his hair. “I’ve seen him before,” she said evenly, as though she didn’t believe herself.

“You have?” Aqua said, surprised.

“Um, sort of?” Namine tapped her fingers together and began racking her brain to recall. “I’ve come across a few links to him in Sora and Terra’s memories. The chains were small, but it’s still a connection. His name is… Vanitas, right?” She looked between them, tilting her head curiously.

Aqua nodded and glanced back to make sure their sand showdown wasn’t actually hurting anyone. “We were searching the Realm of Darkness yesterday for any trace of Sora, but we found him instead.”

“He doesn’t remember anything either,” Terra added.

“We were hoping you might be able to tell us what happened,” Riku said, gesturing toward her. “Can you help us, Namine?”

Namine inhaled slowly and looked down as she seemed to mentally debate herself on the topic. She squeezed her index finger in her opposite hand. “I could probably take a look, but I don’t know how much I can do. It would be a lot easier to search his heart if he were asleep.”

Terra let out a hum and crossed his arms. “Doubt Vanitas will settle down long enough to-”

Before he could finish Aqua was already on it. She turned to the other halves arguing over _something_ silly as magic danced around her fingertips. Then she threw her hand above her head and into the air, magic lighting up in a bright burst. It rippled out around Vanitas in a white circle and immediately his knees buckled, slumping over and sound asleep..

Ventus stared wide-eyed and speechless at his sleeping other half, then turned his focus on the group chatting with Namine. Riku and Terra _immediately_ turned back around, acting casual, but successfully singled Aqua out as the culprit. Ventus gestured widely to the slumped over Vanitas and could only fumble out an indignant, “ _Aqua?!_ ”

She was quick to defend herself. “Namine said she could take a better look at him if he was asleep.” She flicked her wrist in his direction. “So he’s asleep.” Aqua then turned back to Namine, who wasn’t sure _how_ to handle this direct of an approach.

“I... _did_ say that,” she mumbled. Her hands fell to her side and she nodded. “I’ll see what I can find out. He’s connected to Sora so maybe I can find something about him, too.”

Riku shoulders sank in relief. “Thanks, Namine. I really appreciate it.”

She smiled but shook her head slowly. “Don’t thank me yet, I haven’t even started. I’ll let you know if I come across anything.”

Namine approached Ventus and the sleeping Vanitas and reached out to put a tentative hand on his shoulder, then paused. “Do you mind if I…?” She ventured, looking from Ventus to Vanitas and flexing her fingers anxiously.

Ventus just stared back, unsure as to what Namine was referring to, until his brain kicked him. _She wants to be alone._ “Oh,” Ventus gaped and waved his hands. “No, yeah, sure, go ahead. Just-” he paused, a million thoughts raced to his tongue, fighting to be voiced. “-be careful,” he settled for. “When I was sleeping, I could feel some of what Vanitas felt and…” Ventus pursed his lips at the memory. There was so much darkness, so much negativity, but so much more sadness on top of it all.

“He was in a lot of pain.”

Namine smiled in understanding and nodded, placing a hand on Vanitas’s shoulder. “You’re sweet, Ven. Vanitas is lucky to have you looking out for him.”

Ventus huffed through his nose and shook some excess sand from his hair. “Good luck telling him that.”

“I’ll leave a message.” Namine giggled.

* * *

Vanitas always had a nasty attitude but judging by his temper when he woke up, he _wasn’t pleased_ about the sudden naptime. He sat crossed legged in the sand, arms folded over, chewing on his lip in silent agitation. Everyone else gathered around in a small circle with him at the forefront and Ventus and Namine on either side. He and Ventus were the only ones sitting, as Ventus just wanted to sit with him in solidarity, despite Vanitas’s grumps.

Namine looked over everyone, pausing on Vanitas, before she addressed the group. “The good news is I located Vanitas’s memories.”

Ventus’s heart sank.

Vanitas immediately perked up. “You did?”

She nodded and hesitated, as if trying to piece the words together first. Namine gently tapped her fingers together, then began gesturing with them as she explained. “I believe during the process of reforming, his heart locked away his memories. There was too much pain and negativity for one heart to bear ... So it buried the memories away, deep in the recesses of his heart.”

So much for the mood boost. Vanitas’s face twisted as Namine spoke, then he met everyone’s gaze individually, and shook his head quickly. “Wait, hang on a second- I don’t get it!” Vanitas got to his feet and his voice rose. “What's that mean-- My heart _reformed?_ There was too much _negativity?_ ”

Ventus jumped up too, already reaching out to try and calm him down. “Vanitas-”

He shirked his touch and ignored the plea. “What _aren’t_ you guys telling me?” His teeth grit and his fists trembled with a rage struggling to break free. If he kept this up, Unversed were sure to start spawning. “Who _am_ I?”

“ _Vanitas!_ ” Ventus snapped and grabbed his shoulder, urging him to meet his eyes. He received a harsh gold glare and bared teeth but that didn’t faze Ventus. “Calm down. Let her finish.”

He could just _feel_ Vanitas’s temper flare but, in an extremely rare occurrence, Vanitas complied. He growled and shoved Ventus off but otherwise tried to contain his anger. Ventus would’ve been a little proud if not for the sinking pit in his chest.

Having shuffled away from Vanitas and closer to Riku, Namine went on, albeit much more apprehensive. “W-Well… I can access the memories and free them, but I wanted to discuss it with you all first.”

Vanitas huffed, “What is there to discuss? I want my memories back. End of subject.”

Could it really be that easy? All Namine had to do was bring his memories back to the surface and that would be the end of it. Vanitas wouldn’t want anything to do with him beyond becoming whole again. No more sharing a room, marveling at the stars, or having a showdown in the sand.

The thought made his heart ache and before he knew it the words came tumbling out. “Wait.”

Vanitas raised an eyebrow and scowled. “Wait? Wait for what? I said I’d come with you to get some answers. Are you-”

“Just wait!” Ventus repeated. He wet his lips, not entirely sure where he was going with this or where any of it came from. “Namine, you said there was too much negativity for one heart to bear. What if he remembers and his heart can’t handle it?”

Clutching her hands close, Namine contemplated this possibility. Her eyebrows knit as she tried to decipher whether or not this was an actual concern or if Ventus just wanted her seal of approval on any reason not to restore Vanitas’s memories. He wasn’t certain either. “I… suppose there’s a chance. His heart locked them away for a reason. That’s why I wanted to consult with you all first.”

Vanitas let out an aggravated sigh and he raised his hands up dramatically. “There’s that negativity thing again. Which brings me back to my question: who am I?”

“What does that _matter_ ?” Ventus blurted. The back of his mind was like an alarm going haywire, screaming _what are you doing? Do you have any idea what you’re doing or saying right now?_ “What if you remember and your heart breaks? Do you want that to happen again? I just got you back, Vanitas, can’t you just _stay?_ ” Ventus pleaded. 

The prior agitation now had an added mix of apprehension. Vanitas regarded Ventus with a hard look that could peer right through him. It reminded Ventus of when he introduced himself yesterday. For someone who didn’t know who he was, Ventus sure got the impression Vanitas knew _something_ about his other half.

The emotions drifted into muted frustration as Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “...Who _are_ you to me, Ventus?” He asked, cold and quiet.

The answer sat on his tongue, waiting to be released, and yet Ventus didn’t. If he spoke, would it set off a chain reaction and spark the rest of his memories? Or were they buried so deep that telling him the truth wouldn’t reawaken them? 

What’s the right answer?

It never came. Watching their spat unfold Namine interjected in her soft tone. “There’s one more thing I’d like to discuss with Terra and Aqua. ...Privately.” She fidgeted in place.

Vanitas snorted through his nose. “Whatever. This whole trip was a waste,” he grumbled and made a beeline for the ship. Ventus half heartedly reached after him but his hand retreated once he was out of range.

He shouldn’t be so upset. He got what he wanted and Vanitas didn’t.

So why didn’t that sinking pit in his chest go away?

* * *

Riku split off from Terra and Aqua to help Vanitas back onto the ship while the three of them discussed Namine’s private matter. She laced her fingers together and decided to jump right into it.

“I couldn’t find any trace of Sora, but if there _is_ something, it may be locked with the rest of his memories.”

Terra and Aqua exchanged a glance. Could their key to finding Sora really lie in his memories? Folding his arms over Terra asked, “What do you mean? Are you talking about his memories of Sora?”

She shook her head. “That’s not it. During the battle, Vanitas faded away. I don’t know how long it took for his heart to reform but there’s a possibility his heart went to the same place as Sora when he disappeared.”

“So you’re saying Vanitas’s heart might have found Sora, and he doesn’t remember?” Aqua said, raising a finger to her chin. “And if what Ven said is true, if Vanitas remembers anything, his heart could break again.” She mulled this over for a moment, then sighed and shook her head. “Even with amnesia, he’s still causing us no end of problems…”

Terra was a bit more lenient. “We went to the Realm of Darkness for a clue, and we’ve got one. It’s still a lead. And Ven only said it was a possibility.”

Namine cleared her throat and the two of them focused back on her. “There’s something else I’m worried about.” She looked over her shoulder to make sure neither Ventus or Vanitas were within earshot. Luckily they were both hanging around the ship, though a few feet away from each other. She bit her lip anxiously. “I found Xehanort’s heart fragment. From when he used Vanitas as one of his thirteen.”

Immediately Terra and Aqua tensed, and Namine was quick to wave her hands defensively. “Don’t worry! It can’t do anything. Xehanort is gone so he can’t control it or reach any of us.”

Terra breathed a sigh of relief and visibly relaxed. But there was still a trace of concern on his face. “Then whats worrying you, Namine?”

“It’s just … That fragment has been in there for so long,” she shook her head sadly. “Longer than Xehanort even started gathering vessels. I’d guess it’s been in there since he was split from Ven. I know it’s basically dormant, but…” Namine stared at the ground and crossed her arms, hugging herself. “Xehanort was such a source of pain for Vanitas, I fear anything to do with him might act like some kind of catalyst. If he remembers who hurt him, the memories will all flood him at once.”

Aqua frowned, recalling how Ventus stressed Vanitas was in a lot of pain, but she hadn’t considered Xehanort to be a source for his own apprentice. “Then shouldn’t we try to get rid of it? There’s no sense in leaving it in there. We saved Terra, couldn’t we help him?”

“Surely Aqua and Riku could do something as Masters,” Terra said.

“I’m not sure what would happen if you tried to tamper with the fragment while his memories are locked away,” Namine shook her head. “I don’t doubt that either of you or Riku could help. But on top of his memories being locked away, you'd be messing with something that's been a part of his heart for so long. I can’t say he would survive such an ordeal.

“Whatever you do,” Namine said, firm and resolute, “You mustn’t let Vanitas remember Xehanort.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream be more chill obcr


	3. keyblade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “--It’s Ven, by the way,” Ventus added.  
> “Hah?” Vanitas quirked his head, eyebrow raised.  
> “You can call me Ven,” he clarified. “All my friends call me that.”  
> “So we’re friends now, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you ever think about how vanitas made aqua so fucking mad she made a whole new command style and it was the coolest thing ever. bitches be like GHOSTDRIVE IS SO COOL its me im bitches

The ride back to the Land of Departure was a quiet one. Unlike the first trip Ventus held his tongue and didn’t engage Vanitas about the starry cosmos. He attempted to make peace but Vanitas made it obvious he wasn’t interested by silently walking to the opposite end of the ship. Ventus got the message loud and clear: _‘don’t bother me.’_

By the time they arrived the sun began to set. Vanitas stormed off the ship before anyone could stop him. Terra offered to give chase, leaving Aqua and Ventus behind. Prior to leaving Destiny Islands Riku offered to pass the information on Vanitas’s reappearance to Yen Sid, to which Aqua agreed, since she wasn’t sure about bringing the boy in question straight to Yen Sid just yet. Walking through the doorway of a great Keyblade Master with the enemy didn’t sit right with her. Riku promised to update them if Yen Sid could be of any assistance, and flew away after dropping them off.

So that left the two of them in the courtyard. Downtrod but still determined, Ventus straightened his posture and nodded. “I’m going to try talking to him again,” he declared.

And he would have taken off right then and there had it not been for Aqua grabbing hold of his shoulder. “Wait, Ven! Hold on!”

Effectively stopped in his tracks, Ventus quirked his head and turned around, gesturing with his palms raised in confusion. “What gives, Aqua?”

Aqua stared past him as if in search for Terra in the distance, but he was nowhere to be seen. Vanitas stomped in the direction of the training grounds so that was probably where they were if Terra managed to catch up with him. They would be _fine._ It wasn't like there was anything Vanitas could use to start a fight. She bit her lip and fidgeted in place. “There’s something you should know about Vanitas.”

“Huh?” Ventus frowned. “Does this have to do with what Namine told you and Terra?”

“Mm,” she mumbled a very non-answer and fiddled with her hair. “You see … when Namine searched his heart, she found something else in there.”

Ventus perked up, and Aqua immediately felt guilty for what she was about to tell him. “Really? Like what?”

Her hand left her hair and curled into fists held in front of her. She pursed her lips together and decided to just come out with it. “Master Xehanort’s heart fragment.”

The guilt set in instantly as she watched Ventus’s face fall. His eyes widened and he looked as though he had seen a ghost. His lips parted no doubt with either denial, questions, or general dismay, but Aqua cut him off before she could find out which.

“--Don’t worry, he’s okay!” She reassured, holding her hands out in emphasis. What a strange position Aqua found herself in, comforting her friend about their enemy. Former enemy? “Namine said it can’t do anything or bring him any harm. The Masters…” 

Aqua trailed off, recalling how Eraqus moved on with Xehanort in tow. They both departed in a flurry of light leaving her behind with an apology and nothing more. It felt _cruel_ , to so readily forgive the man who tore not only their lives apart but so many others as well. They had left her and her friends with such deep scars that would never truly heal. The universe must have thought it funny to throw Xehanort’s apprentice into their laps when Aqua truly wished to never see him again.

“...They moved on. They can’t interfere,” she finally said, her tone devoid of any emotion, and shook her head slowly. “But she warned me it’s important we don’t mention Master Xehanort around Vanitas.”

Ventus knit his eyebrows together and he hesitated, still trying to process this new information. “...Why?” His voice cracked a little. He sounded so small and shaken it hurt Aqua to hear.

“She said Master Xehanort was a great source of pain for Vanitas, and that if he were to remember it ... “ Aqua faltered. “It could trigger all of his memories to flood back at once. Then his heart might break for real.”

She didn’t like Vanitas, in fact Aqua doubted if she could ever bring herself to like him, but even she had to admit how awful it was. The true scope of his misery remained a mystery to them, but to remember a lifetime’s worth of negativity all at once would be outright cruel. Not to mention all the unnecessary pain it would cause Ventus, and he had already suffered enough. All three of them had. Now they had Vanitas to thank for tearing open their old scars.

Aqua was quick to retract that thought. It wasn’t Vanitas’s fault he reappeared _and_ forgot every terrible thing he had ever done. Ventus wanted to help him and Aqua wanted to do what she could to support her friend. Bearing that in mind, Aqua gently smoothed some of Ventus’s hair out of his eyes, only for it to fall back into place. “Are you okay, Ven?”

He certainly didn’t look okay. Ventus stared at the ground, unfocused, and barely took note of Aqua’s hand on his head. Her question pulled him from whatever was going on in his head and he blinked a few times, then inhaled and rolled his shoulders back. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I will be. I’m gonna go find him.”

Aqua nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but she was cut off by Ventus's arms wrapped around her in a hug. Delightfully surprised, Aqua returned the gesture and ran her fingers through his blond spiky locks. A warm smile spread as she allowed herself to close her eyes and enjoy the moment. This was what Ventus wanted and if helping him meant tolerating Vanitas, she could do her part.

“Thanks for telling me,” Ventus mumbled around the hug.

“Mhmm,” Aqua hummed and gave him one last pat on the head. “Take care of him, Ven.” She stepped back while Ventus rubbed his eyes and nodded firmly before taking off towards the training grounds. Aqua watched him run and her smile disappeared as she let out a low sigh. She may have resolved to do her part but Aqua couldn’t deny the dread still brewing in her chest.

“I think you’re the only one who can…”

* * *

Just as Ventus approached the bridge to reach the training grounds he encountered Terra. Past him were the large group of golden training rings and Vanitas, who stared at the rings like they might hold the answers he sought. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Ventus addressed Terra first. “How’s he doing?”

Terra sighed through his nose and rubbed the back of his neck (Definitely not a good sign). “Well, I had a talk with him. As for whether or not it worked…” Terra glanced over his shoulder and shrugged.

That told him everything he needed to know. “Thanks for trying,” Ventus smiled sheepishly. “I appreciate it.”

Returning the smile with one of his own, Terra ruffled Ventus’s hair. What was _with_ Terra and Aqua doing that today? “You’ve got this, Ven. If anyone can get through to him it’s you.” To top off his encouragement Terra patted him on the shoulder before leaving Ventus to his other half.

Vanitas probably knew he was there so he shouldn’t idle. He would sooner turn around and bark, ‘ _What are you standing around for?_ ’ Yet Ventus felt glued to the grass. His conversation with Aqua played on loop in his mind. Just when he thought he was free- when _everyone_ was free- from Xehanort that old man had to get in one last cruel act. Ventus didn’t know what happened to Vanitas after Xehanort brought him to Eraqus, and maybe he'd never know if it would hurt Vanitas to remember, but it must have been downright terrible that Vanitas’s own heart forced him to forget about it.

And he had just blurted out the first excuse he could think of when it came down to the state of Vanitas’s heart! _Could potentially break if he remembers?_ Namine was a good sport, going along with such an unfounded claim. _Well,_ maybe it wasn’t _totally_ unfounded; Ventus didn’t know anything about the intricacies of the heart. If she signed off the idea then there had to be some merit to it. But the fact remained that Ventus didn’t want Vanitas to remember their past.

_Shouldn’t you be glad there’s an actual reason he can’t remember now?_

Inhaling sharply, Ventus shook his head feverishly to dismiss the intruding thought. He wasn’t going to solve anything by standing around staring at the grass. Besides, he kept Vanitas waiting long enough. Straightening up and shoving his complicated feelings down, Ventus crossed the small marble bridge to the training grounds.

Vanitas didn’t have to turn around to know Ventus was there. He was in the middle of hitting the singular gold ring with his bare fists. The ring swung back and right before it could hit him, Vanitas dodged and countered with a roundhouse kick. Amid this cycle Vanitas scoffed, “‘bout time you showed up.”

Ventus kept a fair distance away so he didn’t accidentally take a hit meant for the ring. In the past Vanitas definitely would’ve been using him for practice instead of the training equipment so his fear wasn’t unwarranted. “You were waiting for me?”

“Tch, no.” Vanitas gave the ring a double punch and ducked as it swung back. The entire structure rattled with the force Ventus thought it might break. “You’ve been anxious since the ship ride. Figured you’d come crawling to me at some point.”

_Oh. Well,_ that was a little embarrassing, knowing he was so obviously worked up about this that even _Vanitas_ could tell. Ventus cleared his throat and tried to ignore it. “Can we talk?”

“What a great idea!” He drawled, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Here’s something to talk about.” With one last forceful spinning kick he sent the ring flying upward and as it flew back Vanitas caught it in his hand with ease. The chain jingled from the prior momentum and Vanitas turned to face Ventus. “Take me back to the Realm of Darkness.”

There’s that lump in his throat again. Ventus took a step forward. “Vanitas-”

“Now _what_ was it I said yesterday?” He interrupted, canting his head mockingly. “Oh, right. I’d come with you for answers,” he pointed at Ventus, “and I could walk away anytime I want. You don’t follow. Now take me back.”

Memories or no memories, Vanitas would always be a brat, huh? _Amazing_ how he could so quickly make Ventus nearly regret helping him. Nevertheless, Ventus stood his ground. “I’m not taking you back.”

“So you’re already going back on your word, huh?” Vanitas lowered his arm and narrowed his eyes. “What happened to ‘I won’t force you to stay’?”

“Just listen to me,” Ventus pressed and dared another step, lest he become the new gold ring. “I want to tell you who you are, I just-” _don’t know a whole lot about you? Am afraid you still won’t stay? Know you’ll hate me if you learn the truth?_

Luckily for Ventus he didn’t have to pick one. “So do it,” Vanitas challenged. He crossed his arms and never broke his stare. “Tell me one thing about myself. Right now.”

Ventus gaped, his train of thought coming to an abrupt crash. _One thing?_ One little fact to make him stay? It felt too easy, surely there was some kind of catch. If he knew Vanitas, _well he kind of didn’t_ , there had to be some string attached.

Or maybe he was just overthinking it. Vanitas made it clear he wanted to know who he was, and he had been teased with the promise of regaining his memories only for it to be whisked away with nothing regained. It wasn't fair-- it was downright mean, no matter what reasoning Ventus had to justify it.

So he wanted one little thing. Ventus _could_ just come out with it and say ‘ _You’re my other half!_ ’, then spend the next half hour trying to explain _how_ that came to be _without_ Xehanort. Which was essentially impossible. And for all he knew a vague explanation could wind up triggering his memories of Xehanort, anyway. Maybe he could play it safe and explain the Unversed. But then that might lead into why his negativity manifested as monsters, which would lead into the split, and Ventus wasn’t about to go there today. 

Start small. Work his way up to Unversed and being his other half. Ventus eyed the gold ring equipment around them in a new light. That could work.

“You’re a keyblade wielder.”

In perhaps the most underwhelming yet safest reaction, Vanitas merely blinked. “What.”

So far so good. Taking a deep breath, Ventus held out his hand and a second later Wayward Wind materialized in a flash of light. “Keyblade. This is what Terra, Aqua, and I use to fight.” Holding the hilt in one hand he propped the end up in his opposite hand with a smile and presented it to Vanitas. “You can use ‘em too.”

Cautious, Vanitas inched closer and inspected it, then experimentally grazed his fingers over the body. He poked at the teeth and knit his eyebrows. “Aren’t these what you guys had with you in the Realm of Darkness?”

With a nod Ventus nudged it closer, allowing Vanitas to hold it if he wanted. “Yeah. Before I could summon mine I used a wooden one for practice. We don’t have it anymore, otherwise I’d let you use it.”

Still a little skeptical, Vanitas grasped the hilt and Ventus took a step back to allow Vanitas some room. First he didn’t seem to know how to hold it. He went from one-handed to two-handed to holding it backwards (Ventus had to stifle a laugh seeing him poorly imitate his stance). Ventus never imagined he would see Vanitas in this light. This cold, calculating antagonistic force in his life … was now fumbling figuring out how to hold a keyblade.

In an attempt to imitate his friends, Vanitas held it one-handed and struck the gold ring. It had enough power to send it flying just as he did before but the stance still wasn’t right. Vanitas looked physically uncomfortable, absently striking the ring with no thought behind it.

Pursing his lips together Ventus hummed so Vanitas knew he was coming up behind him. “Why don’t you try it like this?” His fingers slid from Vanitas’s shoulder and down his bicep to grab his elbow and guide his arm over his head. Then he did the same with the opposite arm, however he faltered upon brushing past his bicep this time.

Ventus knew Vanitas was strong, but he hadn’t noticed just how toned his muscles were before. Then again, when would he have the chance given how they were always fighting? Ventus realized he had paused for a second longer than he should have and, ignoring the faint heat in his cheeks, was quick to adjust Vanitas’s arm as he remembered. From there Ventus hopped in front of Vanitas and the opposite side of the ring and spread his feet apart. “Now angle yourself like this. How’s that?”

Vanitas scrunched his face up. “I feel ridiculous.”

He chuckled softly and resumed his position behind him, leaving a few feet between them. “Give it another go.”

Heaving a sigh and rolling his eyes to the gradually darkening sky, Vanitas looked like he would rather be doing anything but this. But as it was the only hint about his memories he had, he decided to go for it. The gold ring swayed with the wind and Vanitas stared it down as if to search for any opening or weaknesses. Then he struck in a wide arc that Ventus had only seen when he had been on the receiving end. His body tensed with the memory and he instinctively itched to summon his keyblade back in defense. 

He fought the urge down and Vanitas eased into the stance, striking the gold ring with precision and strength that lurked deep within. His heart may not have remembered, but his body knew what to do. Every swing, every lunge, it grew more familiar to Vanitas; it was obvious in the way he moved.

He finished with a combo strike that could have knocked the ring off its hinges. His chest rose and fell with every gasp as he lowered his arms and inspected Wayward Wind in a new light. The exasperated expression disappeared and was replaced with something more thoughtful. Gold eyes trailed over to Ventus and lingered with an unknown intent, beyond feeling like he was being sized up. 

Until Vanitas tilted his head back and let out a long audible sigh and ran his hand through his hair. “Okay, guess you were onto something after all, Ventus. When I summon my keyblade again, let’s spar.” He twirled the keyblade around in his hand and stuck out the hilt for Ventus to take. His eyes flashed mischievously and his lips curled with a competitive delight. “Don’t hold back just ‘cause I can’t remember.”

_Is that really safe?_ Ventus wondered as he stared down the hilt. The last time they fought- no, the _first_ time they fought- it cost them their lives. Surely that wouldn’t happen again, and the thought was just his unresolved trauma rearing its ugly head. It wasn't like the minute their weapons clashed the X-Blade would form. If that were the case they would have forged the legendary key when Ventus woke up. Take _that_ , unresolved trauma!

Still, Ventus couldn’t deny how _weird_ this was. Vanitas once pressured and goaded him into fighting, going so far as to threaten Terra and Aqua’s lives, and now he requested a simple sparring match? 

Weird, but not unwelcome. A warm sensation filled his chest at the idea of a friendly match against his other half. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” Ventus agreed with an equally competitive grin and grabbed the hilt. Their fingers brushed together in the exchange and then Ventus spun his keyblade, just to show off a little, before it disappeared in a flash of light.

“--It’s Ven, by the way,” Ventus added.

“Hah?” Vanitas quirked his head, eyebrow raised.

“You can call me Ven,” he clarified. “All my friends call me that.”

“So we’re _friends_ now, huh?”

Ventus’s carefully rebuilt good mood slipped. “I just-”

“I guess that’s fine,” Vanitas shrugged and walked past him. “Don’t _think_ I’ve had friends before.” He paused and looked over his shoulder. The gleam in his eyes wasn’t from sizing him up or seeking competition this time. Ventus didn’t know what he saw inside it, but he had never seen Vanitas look so … _relaxed_. “Guess that makes you the first, Ven.”

_His first friend._ Hope sprung anew just with those few words. _He could do this._ His good mood rekindled, Ventus beamed with all the light of the setting sun and fell in line next to Vanitas. He playfully bumped shoulders with him as they headed back to the castle.

“Guess so!”

* * *

With no confirmation on whether or not Vanitas was their clue to Sora, the trio decided to resume their search in the Realm of Darkness. Nobody knew what to do with Vanitas at first, as Aqua didn’t trust leaving him alone in their home, until Terra suggested that they bring Vanitas along. He had spent some time in the realm, so perhaps he and Aqua could best navigate the dark landscape.

She wasn’t too keen on the idea but it was better than leaving him alone to potentially wreck everything. If he tore pages out of a book within the first five seconds of entering Ventus’s room, who knows what he would do to the kitchen? Vanitas claimed he wouldn’t go anywhere near it and loudly, _pointedly_ , wondered if Aqua had something to hide. If looks could kill, Aqua would’ve struck Vanitas down ten times over already.

The trio donned their armor while Vanitas spawned the black and red veined bodysuit. Having retrieved his half broken mask from Ventus’s room, Vanitas put it over his head and Ventus quirked his armored head.

“You’re not gonna fix that?”

Vanitas blinked. “Fix what?”

“Your mask. It’s cracked.”

His eyes glazed over the sharp jagged glass that only covered half of his head, then let out a slow, deep breath. “ _Yeaaah_ , I woke up with it lookin’ like this and assumed that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Of course. Why did Ventus expect any different? 

With that aside and no other delays, the quartet opened their usual dazzling white portal to the deep black Realm of Darkness. Despite traversing the realm an innumerable amount the dread that washed over Ventus stayed the same. He felt like easy pickings, as a heart of light among ... well, _darkness_ . Might as well have a sign over his head that said ‘ _Free meal!_ ’

Not that he was worried about any Heartless getting the jump on him. Ventus could take care of himself, and he knew his friends had his back. And he would hope that _maybe_ Vanitas had his back too. To Vanitas they had only known each other for roughly a day, and a portion of that day was spent arguing about returning his memories. Too soon to say, and Vanitas- memories or no- was unpredictable at heart.

Aqua took up the front of their marching order, followed by Ventus, Terra, and lastly Vanitas. The portal deposited them just outside the area where they had found Vanitas initially, so they were able to resume their prior search route. Keyblades drawn and at the ready, they braved on.

Before bed yesterday Terra and Aqua informed Vanitas about their plans to return to the dark realm and why. They told him how they were searching for their friend, Sora, and were hoping to find a trace in the Realm of Darkness. He took it fairly well, which for Vanitas meant a snide remark about ‘ _not finding anything in that dump_ ’, but Ventus hadn’t considered how he might feel coming back until now. He kept glancing over his shoulder to sneak a peek at Vanitas, but he couldn’t see around Terra. There was always the option of slowing down so he could fall in line beside Vanitas, but knowing Terra he would just ask Ventus if something was wrong and not walk past him. Aqua made their marching order this way for a reason, likely out of fear Vanitas may try to hurt Ventus.

It wasn’t unwarranted either, given how Vanitas angered her to the point of attaining a new fighting style, she had good reason to distrust him. Ventus just wished she would trust them enough to walk next to each other.

Their trek had been uneventful thus far. Whenever they reached a new area or enclosed space they would fan out and search for something, anything. Perhaps a certain crown chained necklace, or a keyblade stabbed into the ground, perhaps a glyph on a wall, anything out of the ordinary. Vanitas typically hung back and let the trio do the searching until Aqua snapped about not pulling his weight and he begrudgingly joined in. Not without complaining ‘ _I don’t know what I’m looking for, everything looks the same_.’ With the way he was acting, Ventus suspected Aqua might snap and leave him in the Realm of Darkness again.

It wasn’t until partway into their next trek that tensions between the two of them really escalated. There was a long, uneven stretch of road that branched off into several paths with deep craters and vast rocky structures towering above them. The cracks in the craters glowed an ominous indigo, and bizarre ice blue crystals grew on the craggy unnatural rock. There wasn’t any where or way to hide or be stealthy without alerting any Heartless, so everyone tried to step lightly and stay quiet.

Everyone except Vanitas. He decided this was the perfect time to ask, “So who’s this Sora person anyway?”

Terra stopped and actually seemed to consider answering his question, Aqua whirled around and shushed him, while Ventus settled for a quiet yet demanding, “ _Vanitas!_ ”

He only blinked and shrugged. “What? You guys had no problem talking back there.”

“If we don’t want to run into any Heartless,” Aqua hissed, “Then we need to stay _quiet_.”

Vanitas deadpanned, crossing his arms. “You don’t like me,” he said after a solid three seconds of silence. “You’re the _only one_ here who doesn’t like me. Why?”

“We’re not having this discussion right now,” Aqua said, barely containing her frustration.

Terra and Ventus were quick to try and calm the two of them down. Ventus took to Aqua’s side and tried to get her attention while Terra confronted Vanitas. He positioned himself between Vanitas and Aqua’s line of sight but Vanitas just kept trying to peer out from either side of him.

“You’ve been snapping at me all day,” Vanitas, not knowing when to quit, kept at it. He dodged under and around Terra’s arms for a glimpse of Aqua’s armored form. “Don’t I deserve an explanation?”

“Aqua, please,” Ventus redirected her attention to him, silently hoping she wouldn’t lose it and undo everything Ventus built in a day.

By the looks of it she was trying to do just that, albeit conflicted, torn between trying to stay quiet or to lay into the boy who struck her down more than once and had a hand in ruining their lives. Her grip tightened on her keyblade and for a moment Ventus thought she might launch into an attack.

Til his gaze peered past her to the cliffs a few feet away, where the Earth Core Heartless were digging their way out of the rock. One by one all their glowing yellow eyes landed on their little group. 

“Heartless!” Ventus shouted, and everyone’s heads turned to see the porcupine-esque Heartless burrowing back under the ground. They made a beeline for the party as they tore up the dirt from below. It gave Terra, Aqua, and Ventus a few seconds to get into position and brace themselves. Right as they did the first Heartless popped out of the ground and locked onto Ventus, it’s zig-zagging mouth stretched wide and eyes gleaming.

Ventus jammed Wayward Wind into its mouth while Terra and Aqua launched into combat beside him. He pummeled the Earth Core until it dissipated into a flurry of dark particles. Ventus did a quick scan of the area. Aqua launched a string of blizzard spells as Terra unleashed his brute strength. That just left Vanitas, who was in the middle of punching an Earth Core in the eyes while trying to avoid getting his hand bitten off. 

“Vanitas!” Ventus called as a warning and launched his keyblade at his other half. It spun like a strike raid and Vanitas looked up just in time to catch the weapon. No longer running the risk of losing his hand, Vanitas landed hit after hit in a continuous slash. 

Then something odd happened. With no knowledge of this ability nor how to perform it, Vanitas carved an X-shaped slash into the air out of dark magic, then struck it down the middle. The slash went flying into the Earth Core’s face, successfully disintegrating the Heartless.

Ventus had seen that move plenty of times, typically on the receiving end, but just yesterday he didn’t know how to _hold_ a keyblade. Now he pulled out one of his old abilities like nothing had changed.

Meanwhile Terra and Aqua finished off the remaining Earth Cores, but as soon as the last one disappeared Neoshadows manifested from the shadows. Flutterings descended from seemingly nowhere and began to dive-bomb the group.

Aggravated, Aqua smashed her weapon into the nearest Neoshadow and unloaded a thundaga with a frustrated growl. “You should’ve just _stayed quiet_ , Vanitas!” Then she took to pummeling the next Heartless she could find.

“Well _maybe_ you should have said something sooner!” Vanitas countered, expertly weaving between a Neoshadow’s swipes before performing a spinning kick to it’s head. The Neoshadow recoiled but shook it off and resumed attacking. “How was I supposed to know?”

“By _listening to me_ the first time!” Cloaking herself in a white aura, Aqua teleported around the battlefield. She took shots at every Fluttering, rushing them and leaving afterimages of herself behind, then moved onto the next. The white light grew brighter and she zeroed in on the last Neoshadow- the one Vanitas was unsuccessfully dealing with.

Time slowed. Aqua raised her weapon and, in a dazzling array of light and more teleportation, warped around the last Heartless. She trapped it within energy spikes until it was completely surrounded. Aqua and Vanitas locked eyes just as she formed the last spike mere inches away from him. In that brief moment, what with half of his face uncovered, Ventus saw something in Vanitas’s eyes he never witnessed before.

_Fear._

The energy crackled and exploded in a powerful shockwave, blinding the battlefield. Even with his helmet on Ventus had to close his eyes. But when the light died down Ventus was shocked at what he saw.

Vanitas, braced for an attack not meant for him, held Void Gear up to block. Had it not been for the messy circumstances Ventus would have been proud but instead there was just a mix of anxiety and concern. 

The white aura was gone and Aqua stood in front of Vanitas, easily much taller and more intimidating in her armor. Removing her helmet Aqua stared him down, waiting for him to realize she wasn’t attacking and to lower his keyblade. Gradually he cracked open his eyes and, with a slight jump, blinked owlishly at the keyblade before gazing up at Aqua. The fear vanished, replaced with an unreadable expression, but Aqua’s face remained cold as stone. 

“I _don’t like you_ ,” she said, voice even yet enunciated as though she still had more anger bubbling under the surface, “because you _ruined everything_.”

The two of them stood there, silent and tense, for a few more seconds before Aqua turned and stalked off. Vanitas didn’t move, only able to stare after her, frozen in place. Terra and Ventus exchanged a look and rushed off to tend to either of them. Terra took to Aqua and immediately began talking in hushed tones while Aqua barely suppressed her voice, still trembling with rage. Ventus jumped in front of Vanitas and picked his helmet off, then tapped his shoulders.

“Vanitas? Hey, Vanitas!” Ventus checked, nodding his head to either side like that might break him out of his stupor. “C’mon, talk to me!”

It took him a second before he blinked himself back to reality. His shoulders slumped as he looked from Ventus, past him to Aqua, then down at his keyblade. Vanitas raised his keyblade up to inspect it wordlessly. His free hand grazed down the hilt, swept over the eye of darkness, past the chains, and down to the teeth. Then he began to smile- no, smile didn’t describe it. It was like an imitation of a smile, teeth bared as he chuckled to himself, shaking his head.

“Check it out, Ven,” he said, grinning in a way that made Ventus’s heart twist so many times in the past, and held Void Gear up for him to see. “I learned how to summon my keyblade _and_ why Aqua hates me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream hadestown on spotify


End file.
